Black Shoes & Bikinis

I had lunch with my girlfriend, Remick today.
She is as gorgeous as ever and still tan from her cruise at Christmas.
She is still bathing suit ready as well.
It’s funny to look back and remember trying on suits together.
Talking about summer plans, beaches ahead of us.
Today, she bought a bikini that was adorable and I bought shoes.
I found a black and white tennis shoe that was a boys size and on clearance.
This is me planning my summer, what can I wear with the new braces?
I was fitted for new ones, back in January but the billing has been slow with insurance.
These braces are better, they help my stride and gait become absolutely normal again.
They make the wiener braces look prehistoric but, they are black.
So, she checks out and pays for her bikini and I, my shoes.
There is a lump in my throat.
My stomach constricts.
Why is this still so hard?
Why do I yearn for days and things that just aren’t anymore?
Why won’t this dream and desire go dormant?
Instead
I want my toes in the sand
my body to be in a bikini
the sun on my shoulders
my eyes on the water
I want it so bad it hurts
Instead
I wear braces and tennis shoes and try to stay grateful that, I can at least do that.

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