In the past two days I’ve watched three movies.
The Grace Card, starring Lou Gossett, Jr., Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium and the Eighties classic, Xanadu.
All three talk of believing, magic and imagination.
Believing in God, ourselves, humanity and love.
That the magic of our existence and of our lives is up to us to create everyday.
That we are limiting our imaginations and it limits what we experience and feel.
I leave in the morning for Chicago part two and I feel a little scared.
I’ve packed a suitcase with clothes I intend to wear and not bring home.
That feels weird.
I will be alone, in isolation and that feels weird too.
I heard an interview with a Sufi mystic and he says” when God calls you back it’s a yearning and a longing. “
I feel as though I have been called away from my old life for sure.
In the movie, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, Dustin Hoffmanns character is ready to leave this life and his store mourns him and turns black when he dies.
I think seeing my store stripped down and even the wood on the walls taken away was like that for me, I felt black inside.
But, there is still magic and it does return when the character played by Natalie Portman figures out how to believe. She is happy again and her life thrives and there is love.
So maybe this trip is a return to love.
A return to the God of this universe and all that is.
A return to the person I was created to be and forgot how to be.
A return to a solitary existence where I can become, whatever it was that God intended.
A part of me has to die in there.
My immune system that is designed to keep me safe will cease to exist.
It will die a little each day.
After eight days, I get to grow again.
I get a new immune system. One that never existed before.
A part of me will be brand new.
I can let this journey change me.
I can take this journey toward God.
I can let go of all that is negative and controlling, vile and full of hurt.
Anger would no longer live here or even visit.
My house can be love.
My body can be love.
My beliefs can be love.
My attitude can be love.
My service is love.
My voice is love.
I can be love.
I think joy would rise up and emanate if in my pulse I let go and let God.
There would be no fear here.
I am ready.