Soul Excavation

I wait for Lindy to arrive and I sit with the weight of this disease in my belly
I see myself in the mirror
I look pregnant
It’s like the baby I’ll never know or carry
Always in front of me
A part of me I cannot separate from
My disease and me
A weight and a reminder
I am not myself
I remember that a change of feeling is a change of destiny
I place no limits and no restrictions on all that I intend to accomplish and become
This is soul excavation
I am where I am and it’s okay
The now is the moment that never ends
I need to change my expectation to appreciation
What purpose am I serving?
What do people get when they get me?
What would they lose if I left?
I felt assaulted today by a glossy magazine
Too many products
Too much focus on nothing
I felt like an Amish farmer standing in the middle of Times Square
Priorities slaughtered on the altar of pride and self love

Lindy and I have 3:30 p.m. massage appointments at a Chinese place neither of us have ever heard of.
It’s a 3,000 year old treatment that I cannot wait to experience
Mix that in with church last night and I should be rightly balanced;
Peaceful and open.
Ready to face what awaits me in four more days.

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