My 30’s

Me at 30 yrs. old….

I see myself as a normal, Christian girl
I’m cute and sometimes funny
I have been self employed for eight years and I like that
I go to church
I have asked God to walk with me
To show me the way
I will follow
I own a home and my car is paid for
I have no debt and I take pride in this
I have friends that are gay
Drug addicted
HIV positive
I have a neighbor that was a pimp, just out of prison
He sits on my porch
Raps at my parties
I’m proud of that
I have always wondered why the tears of black people show up show much better than they do on white faces
The tears that come down, you can see each one, each individual drop holds pain
it grabs you, draws you in like quicksand
I wonder if as a race, they have had so much suffering,
so much more to carry that it literally shows, generations later
This planet and people haven’t evolved. Differences still exist.
Discrimination still thrives.

I am tired of being friends with the “pretty girls”
Girls who are petite and physically beautiful but
Do not see it in themselves, they are forever changing their appearance
To feel better about themselves, the others take notice, say it isn’t
necessary
Then go do it themselves
They have no confidence or self love, they cannot hold a positive self
image in the mirror
They admire each other, say the right words, talk a good talk but
Hold themselves in such little regard they head back to the doctor for one more
Try at perfection
They can see beauty in others just not their own
Chasing men who are unworthy because they feel no worth of their own
I want to run with women who are strong, confident, funny, intelligent
I find and hold onto my integrity and character
The truth that lives in me
That God created in me

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